'They are the still same person' – a mum's response after her child identified as non-binary
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When Brian and Fionnag’s youngest child identified as being non-binary at about the age of 12, they found themselves on a learning curve.
The couple, who live in Inverness, were determined to be as supportive as possible to Ró, who is now 16.
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Although Fionnag recalled a sense of trepidation, she was not upset.
“I probably felt scared because I didn’t know what it meant,” she said. “I’d heard of the term ‘gender fluid’ but not non-binary. I felt it was all very gradual.”
She said Ró was very well informed and very certain about being non-binary.
“They are still the same person. Your child has not changed,” she said.
“I didn’t feel any sense of grief although some parents might. They need to remember their child has not died.”
She added: “I feel I have struck gold – I would not change anything about Ró. They are one of the kindest people I know.”
Fionnag informed herself with literature and talking to friends.
Family members have also been accepting although older members have perhaps taken longer to understand.
“There has been nothing but love from everyone,” Fionnag said. “Nobody loved them any the less.”
She and Brian are well-known within Gaelic and traditional music circles.
“I think the Gaelic community we associate with have been very accepting,” she said.
“You can link Gaelic culture with music and there is a strong sense of awareness and striving to be inclusive in the music industry.”
She cites the annual music festival Celtic Connections, for example, in celebrating LGBTQ+ performances.
“I don’t worry about Ró in Inverness – although I am not saying I never worry,” she said.
“It feels a very safe place for the LGBTQ+ community. But I do worry about the future for Ró in other places.
“It is a big uphill struggle for any trans people.”
She says it is important for parents to listen to their child and not pre-judge them if they identify as being non-binary – and to take them seriously.
“It might come as a big shock but there is nothing to be scared about,” she said. “We should be more scared that they might not have come out to their family.”
Ró added: “One of the things that is scary is that you see high suicide rates and depression in trans kids – not as a result of being trans but of them not being accepted by their household or society.”
Fionnag said: “Absolutely accept them, even if you are resistant and don’t like it.
“You have to absolutely assure your child and inform yourself – and don’t listen to the negative stuff.”
* Groups offering information and guidance include transgender youth support charity Mermaids and Stonewall which can be found at www.stonewall.org.uk.
