What is life like for a non-binary teenager in Inverness?
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It may be a piece of paper but to teenager Ró it marks a significant milestone in their life.
Earlier this year, the Inverness 16-year-old legally changed their previous gender-specific name by deed poll to a neutral one having identified as non-binary for the last three or four years.
“I was so happy about that,” Ró said. “It took a long time.
“It is reassuring to have something on paper, on an official document.
“That is who I am. That is my identity and how I am going to be known.
“That is why it is so important to get that document. It matters.”
With June marking Pride Month and Highland Pride on July 22, Ró has much to celebrate.
“This is probably the first Pride Month that I feel properly confident in my identity and just chilled about it,” they said.
Ró first started to think about gender about the age of 12. Already feeling different, they read a book about LGBTQ+ issues felt the term non-binary applied to them.
“I came out as bisexual first,” they said. “Then I came out as non-binary.
“Non-binary, to me, is basically the rejection that I don’t feel male or female in any particular way. I don’t fit into boxes. I am happy being non-binary.
“To different people, it means different things.
“It is about expressing that I am not being male or female. I am just myself.”
Ró feels extremely lucky and privileged in having the support of their parents, sister and friends plus their employer but acknowledges it can be hard for some people to come out.
School – which has a silver Rights Respecting School Award – is also supportive, accommodating Ró’s request for a name change on the register.
It also holds groups for LGBTQ+ pupils to meet up. For some, it might be the only place, they feel they can be themselves with a group of friends.
“Fortunately, I have a good home life with accepting parents and family,” Ró said. “Space like that for me is good but not necessary but I know it is very necessary for other people.
“I don’t feel isolated because of that. But if you don’t know anyone who is queer, there will always be people you can speak to who are familiar with the experience online.
“I live in central Inverness. It is harder for people in rural Highlands.”
Ró takes part in the Queer Youth Arts Collective, a free online event run by Eden Court Theatre every Thursday.
“It is especially good for those who don’t have good home lives or need to find that space to express themselves without judgement and can talk to people of the same mind,” they said.
“But there is not as much physically in the community – meet-up spaces, for example. There should definitely be more.
“It is the fact Inverness is small and the Highlands is small. It isn’t that there is a lack of people.”
There has been very little negative reaction although there was a recent incident when Ró and a friend were targeted while walking home.
“They were school children and younger than us but when they are in a group like that it feels quite threatening,” they said.
“I don’t know whether or not it was because we were queer.
“They were calling out slurs and insults.
“That has only happened once in my life and it was dealt with very quickly. But in that moment it feels horrible.”
Ró also says it is still scary to correct someone and tell people they should use the pronouns “they” and “them”.
“Everyone slips up – as long as people try and it isn’t done with any malice.
“Personally, I have not had many negative experiences but I have heard of other people who have. I don’t know why that is.
“I don’t hide the fact I am queer. I am proud about it.
“For me, most people I am in contact with are genuinely very accepting.
“Subconsciously, you tend to submerge yourself in a bubble of security. If you step out of the bubble, you realise there are people who are transphobic.
“I think the Highlands can be and is a very accepting place and a community-driven place.”
Despite changing their name by deed poll, Ró said there was still a long way to go in getting official recognition for non-binary people on official documents such as passports and driving licences.
“In some countries, you can indicate non-binary gender with an ‘X’ instead of M or F for male and female.
“If I wanted my gender recognised officially as non-binary here, I cannot.
“I hope soon in my life that will change and I can get that documentation and it will be recognised.
“If that can happen in other countries, it can happen here.
“As far as I am concerned, I am non-binary. It is that clarification of self.”
In relation to Pride Month, Ró’s message is: “Be kind. It is not hard just to listen to people’s stories.”
