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THERE’S something a little bit Little Britain about new series LITTLE ENGLAND, as it profiles Brits abroad in the paradise setting of France’s Dordogne.
But if you decide to escape from the humdrum greyness of UK living for the sunflower-packed fields and hilltop castles, why would you feel the need to bring a chippy van with you?
You kept waiting for the punchline as the ITV series got underway on Monday introducing us to some characters who would do David Walliams and Matt Lucas proud.
British wedding planners Nick Deane and Monica Walker – ex cop and ex-estate agent – started a new life running the stunning Chateaux Pitray with a big test – organising their bosses Inga and Michel’s wedding.
The Hicks family from Somerset had sold up and moved out to France to buy dad Ray’s dream 70-acre farm, and take his butchering skills to a new level ... making British bangers for the ex-pats.
And Dave and Helen Mansfield from Sheffield reckoned they had found a gap in the market – running a fish and chip van that tours the towns and villages of the Dordogne region providing special treats for French and British.
There are over 20,000 Brits in the Dordogne region.
But it seems rude somehow to come to France because you love the way of life, then try and turn it into the little UK you wanted to leave behind.
Maybe David Cameron would be proud at the first week’s batch of enterprising ex pats on a missionary pilgrimage to take his big society concept across the channel, mostly in the form of greasy food.
Beware the Brits abroad, Monsieur and Madame Dordogne, particularly bringing battered fish and chip fat.
The show is easy viewing though with the fantastic scenery, sunshine and dream of that easier way of life.
Wallpaper TV from the school of The Dales and BBC Countryfile copycat Countrywise, it’s a sit back and enjoy your post-teatime cuppa affair in the Tonight slot without forcing contemporary issues on you to get the old blood pressure racing.
But there was some tough talking on the other side on Tuesday as new BBC four-parter HAIRY BIKERS MEALS ON WHEELS got into gear.
It’s the kind of mission Jamie Oliver brought to Channel 4 with his school dinner campaign. And it follows up James Martin’s recent daytime series – again on the Beeb – trying to pep up hospital meals in a Scarborough hospital.
And if part of the point of it all is to get volunteers out to rescue the UK’s ailing Meals On Wheels scheme for the elderly, then you can’t do better than applying a little of the chocolate cake sweetness of the loveable Dave Myers and Sy King.
The tough challenge they set themselves for openers was to get the kitchen staff providing 40 meals a day at £1.25 a head to peel a potato.
First problem was the lack of a decent knife to wean the team – one of whom didn’t even like cooking in the first place – off powder mash.
Targets, timings and building enough time into their morning to site down for a cuppa, was the kitchen’s excuse for preparing tasteless, glum food.
And when the duo found out that the volunteers who dropped off the Meals On Wheels food were often the only human contact some of the elderly diners had, protecting and beefing up the service was an instant priority.
After five days of eating the reheatable microwave slop provided by one authority, Dave’s comment on the actual food was "It tastes like a polystyrene tile!"
Not sure how he would know what that tastes like, mind you!
But by the end of the show, the Elmbridge cooks had turned out a tasty chicken pie, real custard, proper mash and sponge pudding.
The smiles on the faces of the elderly tasters was all the feedback the guys needed. Though it was a tougher ask, Dave and Sy managed to drum up a few new volunteers. This week Elmbridge, tomorrow the world.
