Coming soon ... the letdown
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A SENSE of disappointment has been hanging in the air for this couch potato since they didn’t really kill off DOCTOR WHO – after months of teasing us with trailers of the Doc’s dramatic lakeside death.
But the BBC must have got worried.
Just hours before the fateful episode, they started hinting on news bulletins that their Saturday teatime saviour may not be heading off to the great Tardis in the sky after all.
Must have been fun toying with the distraught fans for all these weeks though ...
That’s the trouble with brainwashing trailers, they usually lead to disappointment.
Take the technology-busting promise of Monday’s "first-ever" live chat on webcam with the cast of MADE IN CHELSEA.
OK, it was fun to click in following the newly-seen episode where Millie poured a hopefully very expensive Martini over two-timing boyfriend Hugo.
But the webchat without Millie was a bit pointless – though at least we got a giggle from long-haired model Fredrik’s comment: "I would have thought that wasn’t such a dry Martini!"
Finishing seven minutes early, and failing to have Caggie and Spence – the posh version of The Only Way Is Essex’s Mark and Lauren – along to question, was a swizz.
It was enough to make you close down your laptop and switch your boring old telly back on.
Not that you’d find CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF, though it’s back. Now, cunningly tucked into an afternoon slot when loads of us can’t watch, it’s one example where a few trailers might have meant you could at least have set your recorder before you’d missed half the series.
STV should also slap in a couple of Bay City Rollers warnings too...
Before the next rugby international, you might want to catch up with SCOTLAND’S BEST ALBUM so you understand why the Scottish team might have substituted Shangalang for Flower of Scotland.
Wearing the most terrifying tartan jacket I’ve seen in a while, Shangalang songwriter Bill Martin revealed he thought his song would make a better national anthem.
But there were just as exciting revelations as a panel of music experts – including ex-footballer Pat Nevin – argued over the 15 songs from the 70s that deserve to be considered Scotland’s best.
Who knew that intellectual masterpiece (killer on the disco dancefloor, mind) Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep had been recorded under the influence.
Singer Sally Carr recalled the musicians going: "You’d have to be pissed to record that."
So that’s what they did.
Or how the Average White Band’s probably most famous number Pick Up The Pieces was just recorded as a throwaway track made in tribute to James Brown.
Along with some ace old footage – Alex Harvey’s scary Next as he looked straight into the Old Grey Whistle Test cameras was one belter – the next four weeks looking through our music decades is sure to end up with drunken pub fights.
Get involved in the ruckus to pare down to three 70s tracks before next Tuesday at stv.tv/scotlandsgreatestalbum
But at least music wars wouldn’t be as scary as two female elephants locking tusks over territory, as in
TRUE STORIES: IN SEARCH OF AN ELEPHANT.
Former circus owner American David Balding had trained up African elephant Flora as a baby – he’d even called his circus after her. But realising she no longer enjoyed performing, he spent the whole programme trying to find the perfect long-term home where she could be happy with other elephants.
But dark scars from Flora’s past surfaced.
Flora threw a rock over the high fence she was isolated behind, as her new owner said: "If she’d wanted to hit us, she would have."
A happy elephant? I don’t think so.
The film was a disturbing watch, as you came to the conclusion that keeping any elephant captive – or subjecting them to the cruel training we saw a baby Flora going through on old film – was just wrong.
A bit like Mary Portas as poacher turned gamekeeper in MARY QUEEN OF SHOPS...Long a stern critic of bad retail service, crappy clothes and badly-laid out shops, she’s creating her own shop within House Of Fraser for the new Channel 4 series.
And with a £2 million sales target and a bunch of "bonkers" sales staff, Mary’s 40-plus target market might find first garment – a blue shift-cum-baggy-old-sack – a bit disappointing.
But in a week where there wasn’t much to cheer about on the box, overly-modest Jo beat ambitious Holly to win the GREAT BRITISH BAKE-OFF – almost as satisfying as learning to make your own winning bakes tonight (Th)! (Masterclass Bake Off, BBC1 8pm).
