Grief awareness: Let the experts help you say your goodbyes
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Nobody wants to think of their own passing or losing a loved one but planning a funeral is important and it can make circumstances easier to bear if certain aspects are dealt with in advance.
Today, many people choose pre-paid funeral plans to help manage the financial cost ensuring the day, when it comes, has been taken care of.
Plans are flexible to suit a person’s circumstances.
Some prefer to pay a regular sum over a few years, others may prefer to pay a lump sum while there may be an option to pay into the plan over a much longer period.
This type of advance planning may help to provide some peace of mind at a time when it is needed most.
Depending on your circumstances, you may be eligible to apply to Social Security Scotland for a Funeral Support Payment which meets some of the costs of a burial or cremation (but not the service).
Before applying, consider giving your funeral director consent to speak with Social Security Scotland about your application.
Local funeral directors have a reputation for efficiency and compassion. They are highly experienced and are able to take much of the worry about arranging a funeral away from the bereaved.
They provide a number of important services and will organise matters according to your instructions.
Choosing a coffin or urn will be difficult but your funeral director will be there to guide you through the options; from traditional coffins, caskets and urns to alternative choices such as wicker, willow or wool to bespoke coffins that are decorated with photographs or in a chosen design.
They will contact the church, cemetery or crematorium, and/or the person who will be conducting the service, to arrange a date and time that is mutually convenient.
They will also transfer the deceased from the place of death, or from where the deceased may have been taken after death, to their premises.
And they can provide practical assistance to allow them to remain at home prior to the funeral, should this be the request of the family.
They can provide the necessary vehicles and staff to conduct the funeral with dignity and professionalism, adhere to the instructions of the family, and arrange all necessary paperwork to allow burial or cremation to take place.
It is a devastating experience to lose someone special or close to you.
But your funeral director will have an important role in assisting you through this most difficult of times by dealing with the practicalities of saying goodbye, allowing family and friends to focus on what is most important on the day.
Plan the service you know they would have wanted
Today, many people plan their own funerals so it is important to respect their wishes and arrange the service they have requested.
Services can be religious or non-religious, such as a humanist funeral conducted by a celebrant, depending on faiths and beliefs.
Discuss your plans with your funeral director and they can best advise on what type of service could be arranged.
You can then discuss your wishes, such as favourite hymns and prayers with your place of worship, or poems, songs or personal eulogies with a humanist celebrant.
Funerals will always be emotional occasions, but they do not have to be solemn occasions.
Some people want a service that celebrates a life lived – however short or long that life may have been.
Guests may be encouraged to wear their brightest clothing rather than black, and flowers may also be colourful rather than traditional white. You may wish to have floral arrangements and wreaths with your loved one’s favourite flowers or colours.
You can also request that people do not send flowers at all but instead donate the money they would have spent to your loved one’s favourite charity or perhaps the hospice or hospital that cared for them before they passed.
For those with extended family and friends who will not be able to attend in person you may be able to live stream or video the service to enable them to be a part of the funeral and say their goodbyes.
Ask your funeral director and they may be able to advise on live streaming possibilities.
Whatever type of funeral service you choose, just remember there is no right or wrong way to do it.
Take comfort in the lasting tribute to your loved one
An important part of a final resting place is the headstone or sculpture.
It is a permanent fixture for you to visit and care for a loved one after their passing.
Many take great comfort in having a place to visit their loved one, a place where they can visit them, talk to them or take a moment of quiet reflection.
A headstone can be a simple monument with the person’s name and their dates of birth and death if wished.
Or you could choose to have a favourite reading, poem verse or even a quote from a much-loved book or song engraved on it.
As well as traditional headstones, many people choose beautiful sculptures and memorials that feature carved flowers, hearts or scrolls, are engraved or include pictures.
Some choose angels, Celtic crosses or Scottish standing stones as memorials. Bespoke headstones and memorials can also be arranged which could incorporate a special or important aspect of a loved one’s life.
Perhaps illustrating where they lived or a particular passion or hobby they had enjoyed.
Every aspect of a loved one’s passing is personal to those bereaved, whether it is the funeral service, headstone, coffin or urn.
It is also important to respect your loved ones’ wishes. As with their funeral service, they may have stated what kind of headstone or sculpture they wanted and what they wanted it to say.
Meet with memorial specialists and monumental sculptors to discuss your loved one’s wishes and they will guide you through the process.
A memorial will be precious and permanent so be sure to choose a fitting tribute that you know your loved one would like.
And remember too, choose a memorial you will find comfort in when you visit them.
