Coronavirus: How to help your teenager stay home during the extended lockdown period
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Children’s charity Barnardo’s Scotland knows a thing or two about teenagers and with the news that the lockdown has been extended for at least another three weeks it is offering some advice online for parents.
Martin Crewe, director for Barnardo’s Scotland and father-of-four, said: “If you’re struggling to keep your teenager in the house and sticking to lockdown rules know that you’re definitely not alone.”
Teenage brains work differently than adult brains. Developing independence and freedom is one of the central parts of being a teenager, they are much more focused on living for today, having fun, testing boundaries and exploring their identity than they are following rules – and this explains why they might find lockdown so hard.
Children and young people have told the charity the reasons that they are struggling with lockdown include missing social contact, peer support, getting away from family arguments, too much focus on school work and feeling scared, threatened, anxious and stressed.
As well as identifying the struggles and what doesn’t help, the online support includes advice on how to approach any problem areas; how parents and carers can support teenagers, along with a list of things that might help. It also provides information of other organisations that can offer more support.
It stated: "The first thing to do is to have an open conversation, without getting angry, and talk to your child about why they are struggling to stay inside. That way you can look together for solutions that would help alleviate the situation. Sometimes teenagers find it easier to talk to other adults and not their parents about this. If a child has a favourite aunt or grandparent that they would rather talk to, then this may be the right place for them to get some help."
It also lists things that teenagers have said help include:
- Check in regularly to see how they are doing – Intervening early is important. When the situation and relationship gets to a certain level of stress, it can be much harder to decompress
- Go for a walk together – Getting outside of the house together is a good way to get the active, as well as connecting with them, or just being quiet together
- Help them keep in touch – Organise, or help them to organise, closed social media groups for those people teenagers are closest to
- Stay calm when talking about Covid-19 – Explain the dangers of Covid-19 calmly and without sensationalising it. Remind them that there are trustworthy news sources and not to spend too much time researching
- Accept that we can’t control everything – Focus on the important issues and try and manage those
- Give them space – Make sure your child gets some confidential private space when they’re at home, as well as time away from siblings or elderly family members
It suggested that as lockdown relaxes, renegotiate young people’s options for leaving the house:
- Reward them for complying – Small fun treats or start a little fund of money saved to do something fun
- Have something to look forward to – Plan something big, like a party, celebration, day out or weekend away at the end of all of this
- Try not to over rely on them – While everyone has their jobs within the family, try not to over rely on them occupying younger siblings, for example. And if they do agree to help with them, acknowledge and reward their efforts.
- Have fun – Make time to do fun things as a family, whatever that looks like for you
- Try and stick to some kind of routine – It’s worth repeating: trying to maintain a normal sleep, food, exercise, school work, free time and family time routine will help things not feel so chaotic. Healthy eating and sleeping routine are also important for their overall physical and mental health.
- Increase your child’s trusted circle – Meaning, make sure they still have contact with extended family or other important people in their lives. Think about who your child goes to with their issues and problems. This is someone who cares about your child's safety, who offers good practical advice, who recognises how hard it is and who can help them think about some good solutions.
- Make sure they know support lines they can use to talk to someone – For example, Childline offers counselling services. Let them know you won’t be mad if they choose to use those support lines instead of talking to you.
- Help them develop different coping strategies – home exercise, cooking, relaxation techniques. Talk to them about the things they find relaxing and encourage them to take part in them.
- Keep connected – Catching up and staying connected with friend apps such as Houseparty, Facetime, Zoom and Online games can be great, but also make sure to talk to teenagers about their safety online. Let them know that they can talk to you if they are worried about anything online.
Mr Crewe said: “Each child is an individual and it’s important that you listen to the things they are struggling with the most and adapt things within the home, as best you can and are able to, to help them manage their responses.
“Most importantly, please remember that you are not failing as a parent it doesn’t mean your child is failing either. This is a difficult time for everyone, and there will be many other parents finding it difficult. Remember, it’s not going to last forever and we will get through this.”
For further information, you can visit the charity’s coronavirus advice hub which has articles and links for both adults and young people dealing with mental health, family activities, wellbeing and more.
