A brilliant break which won't leave you broke
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Celebrating its quarter century in the UK, forest-based holiday village specialist Center Parcs is bucking the recession with booking figures the envy of many. Hector Mackenzie puts the tried and tested model to the test – and meets his match along the way...
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SLITHERING out from my cleverly disguised bunker on an adrenaline high I was pumped and ready to ambush the enemy.
And that's when it all went horribly wrong. My cover was blown. As I looked up, I realised I was staring down the barrel of a machine gun. I was about to die. Again.
"I think that's you dead," said my killer, in a voice that bordered somewhere between smug and apologetic.
I'd just been shot in cold blood by Competitive Dad. But this wasn't over – not by a long chalk.
It's amazing what you find yourself doing on a Center Parcs break.
Laser combat, it's fair to say, had been one of the more random activities we'd booked as a family. From the moment our bright-eyed instructor, Josh, bounded out to greet us with a bellowed "Good morning, Vietnam!", I sensed we were in for an interesting hour.
You can try literally dozens of activities on a Center Parcs short break holiday, and the fact the operator has now been doing it for 25 years in the UK suggests it's getting something right. The site at Whinfell in Cumbria, just a few minutes from the city of Penrith, is the closest to Scotland and a comfortable five-hour drive from Ross-shire.
The fact that the self-contained village is set within a forest that's home to a red squirrel colony ensures you feel close to nature the moment you arrive. The drive-through check-in leads to a very large car park – and from that point on, your mode of transport is foot or bicycle. In my view, that's one of the keys to the success of the Center Parcs model. It prompts a more relaxed pace (always good when you're on holiday) and gets those feelgood endorphins pumping around the body.
They'd been pumping around my body on the (laser combat) field of battle too – until my untimely demise. My five-year-old son was getting away with a gung-ho, Rambo attitude to battle while my eight-year-daughter was ensconced unseen behind a tree, methodically picking off the enemy. I spent the rest of the session feeling proud (and willing her to terminate Competitive Dad).
In an inspired bit of planning, my wife and I had arranged a three-hour session in the Aqua Sana spa for the afternoon while the children transformed themselves respectively into a wizard and a witch at the Time Out Club (think babysitters your kids actually like).
Wafting from sauna to steam room to heated pool and back again, pausing occasionally for a recliner and some quality time with OK! magazine: what's not to like about that?
The self-indulgent adult stuff out of the way, it was time to head for the Subtropical Swimming Paradise. Now whoever came up with that idea – a sprawling complex of pools, flumes and water rides – knew a thing or two about children. The fact that it's one of several free attractions on the site also goes down well with their parents. The wild water canyon ride is, be warned, somewhat addictive.
Talking of wild water, have you ever been caught out on a bike in torrential rain? There comes a point (and unless you happen to be clad in Gore-Tex it comes fairly quickly) when you simply can't get any wetter.
Our brush with a freak rainstorm turned out, curiously enough, to be a bonding experience with complete strangers similarly marooned. One of Center Parcs' catchphrases is something along the lines of "Turn a moment into a memory". Yes, of course, that includes the thrill of trying horse-riding for the first time, that Kodak moment when your child completes a tough, confidence-boosting outdoors challenge and the joy of witnessing Competitive Dad taken down by an eight-year-old girl. But it can also include those unexpected setbacks which become part of a family's "Do you remember that time when...?" back catalogue of memories for years to come.
Now while it's perfectly possible to plan every minute of your break months before your stay courtesy of a slick, online activities booking system, I'd recommend leaving a little space for those serendipitous discoveries. This time around, ours was pottery. While my son scrambled over 30ft high obstacles in a happily well-supervised outdoor adventure playground, my daughter turned her hand to painting a teapot. The finished result surprised and delighted us all and is likely to be as close to a family heirloom as we'll get.
Also worth considering is a family photo courtesy of the on-site Pret-a-Portrait studio. Snapper Phil was excellent value for money before he so much as picked up his camera, disarming two deeply sceptical children within moments by playing the clown, cracking jokes and putting them at ease. That done, the rest is easy.
Around £30 gets you a half-hour session – and that's enough for 200-plus pictures in every conceivable pose. You'll be able to choose one of the resulting prints framed for free. The tricky bit then is picking out what you want (or can afford) from the rest. They do produce some lovely images.
As an enthusiastic amateur snapper, it was fascinating to see how they operate and which props and techniques work. Budding wildlife photographers can also join guided sessions – and those red squirrels make a great starting point. You can also get up close and personal with owls at informative and fun sessions led by experts.
Now while the cosy, self-contained lodges contain all the mod-cons you could possibly want, it's also nice to eat out now and then. The Lakeside Inn got the nod from our children (on account of an integral indoor soft play area). Chinese, Indian, French and Italian eateries are also on offer but the traditional English pub-style menu here hit the spot. Let's just say you won't lack choice.
We'd booked a Monday to Friday break and let's just say work weeks never go by quite that quickly. Center Parcs had delivered many moments that would become memories, not all of them contained with the glossy pages of its advertising bumf. As I handed the bikes back in at the cycle centre, I locked eyes with an old adversary: Competitive Dad.
We smiled. Next time, I'll be ready for him...
Fact file
• The Whinfell site in Cumbria takes about five hours to reach by car from Ross-shire.
• It has a total of 863 lodges and apartments on a 400-acre site.
• The Whinfell site boasts 11 shops and 12 restaurants and cafes.
• It is also home to a protected red squirrel colony.
• Early booking deals from £199.
• Find out more at www.centerparcs.co.uk
