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‘What should I do?’ - heartfelt advice from Belladrum Tartan Heart Festival’s love expert Venus Guytrap





With love being the theme, we invited fans on social media to send their Agony Aunt-style questions to our resident love expert Venus Guytrap in a bid to gain some heartfelt advice…

Venus Guytrap.
Venus Guytrap.

Q. As a single person, I'm really looking forward to the Belladrum Tartan Heart Festival this year. I've been single for a while, and I'm hoping to meet someone special during the event. With so many people and activities, it feels overwhelming to know where to start. Can you give me some tips on how to find love at the festival? How can I make genuine connections amidst all the excitement?

A. I'm a firm believer that your tribe finds you, not the other way around. The universe has a funny way of orchestrating these things! Have you ever gone on a night out and bumped into somebody who's obsessed with the same things you are? You weren't looking for them, but somehow you found each other! Love works like that a lot of the time! The best advice I can give you is go see the artists/bands you want to see the most, hang out at the spots that are most "your vibe", and by default you'll be surrounding yourself with people with common interests! Strike up a conversation with someone you fancy, and off you go into the sunset!

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Q. I like someone but I'm scared to tell them. How should I do this?

A. Eesh we've all been there, my love! The best thing you can do is weigh up the pros and cons. Would telling them potentially squander an existing friendship? If so, is it worth the risk to be open and honest about your feelings? Or is it somebody you know through a friend? Perhaps honesty wouldn't impact your relationship with this person at all? Sit back, assess, and when you feel ready I say go for it! What's the worst that could happen?!

Q. My partner and I have been together for 10 years. The relationship is now stale and I don't know what to do. Any advice?

A. That's sad to hear, but very, VERY common (believe me!). Remember how you met? Recreate it! Common interests that have become boring? Try something COMPLETELY new to both of you! Anything you can do to introduce new variables or new excitement to the relationship surely can't hurt! Find ways to make each other feel how you felt when you first met, and the rest will take care of itself! I've recently been through this exact situation, so believe me when I say things can "reset" and that spark and excitement can definitely come back!

Q. I've got a crush on my best friend's boyfriend. I'm struggling to hang out with them now and don't know how to act normal without showing my feelings. What should I do?

A. Oh emm gee. I think a lot of us have been in that position (many would never admit it!)... I definitely wouldn't tell the guy behind your friend's back! I think the best thing you can do is assess how important each relationship is to you. Would being honest with your bestie ruin your friendship, or would they respect and appreciate you for being open and honest with them? It's definitely a tough one, and not one anybody can tell you how to handle! Be cautious. I would consider having a conversation with your best friend and letting them know how you feel. It's way better than letting the friendship erode over time because there's weird energy around!

Q. I've been in love with the same woman for 30 years. I wish she knew. We're going to Belladrum together as we're both massive fans of Colonel Mustard and the Dijon Five. I was thinking of asking the band to allow me on stage halfway through their set and ask her to marry me. Is that an appropriate way of expressing my love which has been repressed for so long?

A. WOW!!! That is an EPIC idea!!! BUT (and it's a big but, and I cannot lie...) what is the status of your relationship with this woman? Is she just a friend? Has she given you any indication that she's romantically interested in you? Without any context from her perspective, this is a tricky one. If she's given you signals that she feels the same way, GO FOR IT!! What an EPIC story that would be! If this would be completely out of nowhere, tread with caution! Nobody likes rejection, ESPECIALLY in front of so many onlookers! I will be watching out for this happening!

Q. Is it better to love or to like? My girlfriend maintains the trouble with love is that it's not a choice, it's a condition/affliction/blessing/illness which can arrive unbidden, like a virus, and therefore leave/perish the same way. Liking, on the other hand, is 'human', it's something we choose to do and therefore can often be much more enduring. It's the ideal, it's freedom compared with love's prison. But who knows. Do you?

A. Like you say, "who knows"!? "Like", "love", "lust"... can anybody ever completely tell the difference? Sure, love is the ideal. We're brought up in a society where kids are raised on the idea of "happily ever after", and for many of us that sticks with us throughout our lives. Other people may have a different perspective on interpersonal relationships, and that is okay too! I agree that love isn't a choice, and that it just kind of "happens". BUTTTT, have we not ultimately "chosen" the person we love by spending so much time around them that those feelings have developed? Perhaps love IS a choice in some way, after all!

Q. I love music in any form. I've been to Belladrum every year since it started but my fiancee is not a music fan at all. I bought her tickets to Belladrum and convinced her there's more to it than just music. I'm really excited but also nervous because I fear it might end our relationship. Alternatively, she might change her tune and love it, then we'd be stronger than ever. Have I been brave or have I been foolish?

A. You've definitely been brave! As you say, there's way more to the festival than just the music! All the great bar areas, the food stalls, the market, the comedy, the non-musical entertainment in all its varieties... It's a happy coincidence that there's so much music around, not so far that you couldn't go if the mood struck her, but not so close that it can't be avoided in favour of other activities! You've done a brave thing, I don't think you're foolish at all! In fact, I think this could be a GREAT stepping stone for your relationship as (as you say) there is a chance she changes her outlook and learns to love the things you love! Kudos!

See Venus Guytrap at The Venus Flytrap Palais on Friday (9pm).


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