VET SPEAK: Alison Laurie-Chalmers on grieving over a much-loved pet
Sometimes my job can be hard and emotional. I recently, sadly, had to put to rest a lovely, sweet, elderly patient – a wee dog whom I have looked after for over the past 14 years.
It was the right decision, at the right time, and it was the gentle, peaceful release which was required for her now. It was still a sad and emotional event though.
I knew that she was so much loved, and she would be so sadly missed by her owner and other family members, who had nursed her with so much loving care throughout her 14 years. She had been an amazing, characterful and loyal companion.
Deciding to say a final goodbye and choosing euthanasia for your beloved pet can be one of the most difficult decisions you must face as a pet owner. It can also be seen as a positive act, a final gift that you can give your faithful companion at the end of their life to relieve them of an ongoing end-stage illness, pain or suffering.
It is a way to humanely, and with some dignity, give our pets a release from this in a carefully controlled and peaceful manner.
We all sadly may experience such losses. People all respond differently, and you may be shocked and surprised at the extent and depth of your grief after your pet passes. These feelings may be unexpectedly powerful and overwhelming.
The emotion and pain of grief can feel overwhelming, and this grief can lead to conflicting and confusing emotions, from shock, denial, and disbelief to guilt and sometimes, even anger. These emotions all come from grief, and they are all quite normal. It is very important to give yourself as much time as you need to grieve for your pet. You’ve lost a very special companion, so missing them, and grieving for them is all quite natural.
Take time to talk things over with supportive friends and family and speak with your own vet and practice support network too.
For many people, a passing period of depression is one of the necessary steps along the healing process. Some people will feel an immense overwhelming sadness and will cry often. Their sleep can be disrupted, and their appetite can change. They can withdraw from normal activities and stop speaking to their friends or family. If you do feel that you are struggling, do speak to your GP, and contact your vet practice to talk things through, they will be able to put you in touch with bereavement support networks. It is important to seek professional counselling or medical support if these feelings don’t pass or if they feel unbearable.
There is no right or wrong way to try to cope. Gradually, things will get easier, and these intense feelings will pass, but it may help to know that there is help and support available and someone to listen.
Acceptance is the final stage of grieving and of the understanding of your loss. You will still feel the sadness, but you will now be able to look back on your pet’s life and smile and remember all the good times. There are lots of ways you can remember your special companion. A painting or sketch of your pet, photographs, and other keepsakes, like your pet’s lead and collar can be comforting and make you feel like they are still close.
Pet bereavement support is available from the Pet Bereavement Support Service, a confidential support line is open from 8.30am-8.30pm on 0800 0966 606. Alternatively, its email support line is pbssmail@bluecross.org.uk
The Ralph Site also offers support at www.theralphsite.com.
I hope that this is of some help.
Alison Laurie-Chalmers is a senior consultant at Crown Vets in Inverness.
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