Out Together group at Eden Court in Inverness providing a safe haven for LGBTQ+ elders – ‘I really feel that my life is richer for having come here’
An Inverness-based group for LGBTQ+ elders is making people’s lives richer after a year of operating.
Monthly sessions at Eden Court have seen attendees socialise and take part in activities like Chinese calligraphy, light photography and zine making among many others.
Born after the end of the National Theatre Scotland social dance club, with some members feeling the absence of similar LGBTQ+ spaces, funding was sought and secured leading to the first meeting of Out Together taking place in February 2024.
Immediately, it felt like an attractive and comfortable space where attendees were under no pressure to hide, or pretend to be anything they were not.
One attendee said: “I come along to be with my community – I’m a social soul, and I love just being around people.
“It’s a space where I can just be me, and I don’t have to hide myself or edit what I say. I don’t have to worry about what other people think about me.”
Another continued: “There aren’t many of us about. You are part of a very small community.
“As far as I know, I am the only person like me in my village, so I live my life as the sole representative of people like me.
“It’s not that you’re rejected, but there are certain things you just don’t talk about. Coming to a place like this, all of a sudden you can talk about those things without worrying.”
A third attendee said: “I’ve made new friends, and I’ve got to know people whose presence in my life is important.
“I live in a very rural part of the Highlands, but it was a very welcoming space even as an established group when I arrived. They went above and beyond, and it has become a friendship group that I value and appreciate.
“I really feel that my life is richer for having come here, and it is a welcoming and queer space where you don’t have to justify your own existence.”
That idea of having to justify or edit yourself is a common one across LGBTQ+ people of every generation.
While for younger people now, the hope is that it will one day go away, for the elders that go along to Out Together it is still a reality that they face on a day-to-day basis.
The first attendee explained: “There are times I’m around other people and I don’t know how they are with LGBTQ+ folk. I am sometimes very willing to gently but firmly stand up for my community, but there are times when I do hold back because I just want to enjoy what I’m doing.
“People who are heterosexual, I suspect, don’t have this element to think about, whereas it’s something I’m frequently reminded of it by the way other people talk.”
Again, the second attendee continued: “Only about 10 per cent of who I am happens to be LGBTQ+. I go and do the shopping like everyone else does.
“I’m involved in a lot of things where the fact I’m LGBTQ+ is completely irrelevant, so I just present me.
“I was raised in the Baptist Church, and I remember that sense of community. At times you felt like people hated each other, but they were part of the same church.
“I would look back and think there is nothing like that, and a feature of the LGBTQ+ community is that we often get rejected by traditional family.
“In a sense, chosen families and spaces like Out Together are almost like the church. We don’t all think the same, but there is this thing that connects us and we are mutually accepting.”
Spaces for LGBTQ+ elders have previously existed in the Highlands. A little over a decade ago, there was a group called the Highland Rainbow Folk who raised awareness and provided training for the social care sector in dealing with LGBTQ+ elders.
While that was a working group, Out Together is more social by design, and has run joint-events with the Queer Youth Arts Collective, also based out of Eden Court, for intergenerational activities.
That is a balance that has to be struck, as there are positives to having a specifically elders’ space as well as reaching across some social boundaries.
Having an intergenerational approach helps provide context to current day struggles and freedoms, as well as providing role models for younger people to look up to, so while it is nice for the elders to have a space to call their own they can also take the chance to broaden younger people’s horizons at the same time.
“Having something that is our identity, I find, is enriching,” the first attendee said.
“A lot of our community are pioneers, who did things to cast light on our community, but as we get older opportunities can begin to minimise.
“This is a space that is open, but I also feel very strongly that we see people who aren’t elders in the space with us sometimes – like the Queer Youth Arts Collective.”
The third group member explained: “It’s nice to talk to someone who has the same shared history as you, and remember the TV shows or music that you remember.
“The elders group is nice to have so that you don’t have to explain everything all the time.”
That said, the second attendee continued: “When you get into LGBTQ+ history, it’s really good to have a spread of ages. It’s important that people who didn’t live through things like Section 28 have the chance to learn about it.
“Of course, when we were growing up homosexuality was a crime. It was perfectly okay to be a racist, and a bigot, and a homophobe, because that’s what all of society was like. It wasn’t just a few voices, that’s what all of society was saying at the time.
“I want younger people to understand why we may be more cautious. There are people who say there should be LGBTQ+ specific care homes for example, because the only way they would feel comfortable in the final years of their life is in an LGBTQ+ community, and that might be difficult for younger people to understand.”
While being role models for younger people, those who attend Out Together can also be influential on each other.
That is one of the great benefits of joining any LGBTQ+ group, but particularly one of elders – the shared knowledge that has been accumulated.
“You can meet people who have walked the path,” the second participant added.
“Some parts of the community are deeply involved with the NHS, and it can be very difficult to talk to someone who has been to certain types of appointment before.
“A group like this can be support while someone is waiting, and speaking from experience I have pleaded for information about what to expect from appointments when I had no idea and I couldn’t find anybody. I wish I didn’t have to invent it all for myself.
“All of us also know other people, so there is that opportunity. Even if someone is never here, they are part of a wider network that we can introduce people to.”
The first attendee then added: “It’s an open, welcoming place where you can just come and be. You can come and explore once and try it out, and you don’t have to talk, but come back if you would like to because you would be welcomed and accepted and included.
“There can be support in all sorts of different ways here.”
