|
2 September, 2010
|
By Calum Macleod
Published: 12 March, 2010
IT is a tool used by and against the famous and powerful.
advertising
Gordon Brown and other politicians have been coached in it, media organisations employ experts to decide just how truthful Tiger Woods or O. J. Simpson really are and it is something all of us use every day. In fact, understanding body language is one of our first skills. "It's our first language," Shirley Murchison points out. "As a baby, from birth you are programmed to seek out the human face. Even an hour after they are born, if you stick your tongue out, the baby will copy you. "One of the questions I always ask when I'm doing a course is: how many of you think you are experts in body language? None do, but they all are. You wouldn't be able to function if you didn't understand body language. You wouldn't be able to walk down the High Street without bumping into people if you didn't recognise the signals about private space." To Shirley's expert eye, Gordon Brown has certainly benefited from body language coaching with such once tell-tale ticks as putting his tongue in his cheek and moving his hands now less pronounced. It seems he has learnt from the errors of his predecessor in the post. "When Tony Blair first met George Bush, Bush deliberately stood on a step above him and put his hand on the small of his back to guide him. That's very parental," Shirley says. For a masterclass in body language, Brown and Blair could probably do no better than look to the current White House resident. "That's why everybody likes Barack Obama," Shirley adds. "He uses his hands, he doesn't stand on a podium and he works his audience. He's fascinating to watch." Fife-raised Shirley runs her own Inverness-based company specialising in advice in non-verbal communication, the Highland Body Language Training Consultancy, with a client list that includes the NHS, victims of violence, private companies and school pupils. "A lot of school pupils don't know how to shake hands or make eye contact. That's just not something we teach," the Hilton resident says. This is a disadvantage both in job interviews and in applications for universities who want to ensure young people have the confidence to cope living away from home. Shirley's own path to her current career began almost by accident, however. She went to a night class intending to take a course in Higher English, but came away signed up to a psychology course instead and it was her tutor who suggested she do a degree in the subject. A single mother with three children, Shirley was at first doubtful she would be able to complete the course, but with her tutor's encouragement, she persevered. Shirley, whose professional background is in health and social work, at first combined her non-verbal specialisation with work as a training manager at a local DIY store, but eventually, with the help of Highlands and Islands Enterprise she went fully self-employed eight years ago this month. "I realised that what I was doing, somebody else was coming up from Glasgow to do and charging £2500 a day!" she smiles. Certainly Shirley has no regrets about going into business for herself. "I have been able to go to places I would never have gone to otherwise for free," she said. "For instance, I've been to Dubai to talk to an international women's group which is very big and well funded. "I've worked with everyone from farmers to firemen to school children. The one that took me aback was the farmers. They were what I would call typical Highland men in their late 40s who wanted to sell internationally and of course they didn't know how to go about it." As well as her commercial work, Shirley still works with vulnerable groups. "I especially like working with women because if I can help them, they will pass that on to their children.
"That's what I love doing. If you can change something now then the knock-on effect means that the money you will spend in the future will be much less." It has been said that as much as 93 per cent of human communication is non-verbal, though other estimates suggest 60 to 70 per cent is a more realistic figure. In either case, understanding non-verbal communication is a vital skill both at work and at home. "Women can't understand why their partners don't respond," Shirley said. "Women use 16 different vocal tones in one sentence, but men only process two-thirds of that." It is not just differences between the genders that causes communication break down. When we are born, body language is the same across the world but as we grow older different cultures have their own meanings for different gestures. This has caused problems in companies using foreign labour. Often British workers would attempt to communicate with their non-English speaking colleagues with such everyday gestures as the positive "thumbs up" sign - not realising that in parts of the Middle East and Central Asia the same gesture is regarded as a grave insult. Then there are differences between military and civilian culture. Shirley has seen former service personnel who had been victims of bullying because they had been taught to lower their eyes when speaking to someone in authority. In civilian life, this is regarded as submissive behaviour. Shirley does not promise to cure the ticks or "tells" that her clients may have had for years, but she does help them to recognise what message their body language conveys. "All I'm doing is making people more conscious of the impact they have on others. "To me it's fun. I'm watching people thinking: 'Do you actually know what you are doing?' It could be some man being very dominant in the group or a woman being quite sexual and not realising it, flirting quite outrageously, and that always makes me giggle." Unlike other body language experts, Shirley does not video her clients. For one thing, videoing a dozen people and then playing it back would take too long, but more importantly she prefers to get the immediate reactions from the people in the group because perceptions vary. "I'm not studying it all the time, but I am a people watcher. "On holidays I will sit in a cafe and watch the world go by - but half the world's population does that because we are quite nosey and like having something to talk about." Then there are the times when she is called on to make some quick, and private assessments of body language. "Sometimes when I'm out, friends will say: 'Do you think he likes me?' That is not my area!" she declares. "I just want to have a drink!" * For more information see Shirley's website at www.highlandbl.com c.macleod@inverness-courier.co.uk |
E-mail Updates
WHAT'S ON
THE BIG VOTE
Should Highland Council continue providing chilled water dispensers at schools and council offices, at a cost of £90,000 a year? Local Guides
|