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Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins — but at the Culloden Moor Inn it is positively endorsed.
The size of the portions are breathtaking, to a point where my healthy appetite failed to meet the challenge.
This is undoubtedly the main draw for customers but also arguably one of its biggest downside for the socially aware. Many may cry about the wasteful side when there homeless on our own doorstep in the city centre, and it is hard to justify piling quite so much food on each plate.
If the premises — next to the Keppoch Bar — were located on a popular walking route or near a hostel for tourists it would be the perfect refuelling station, but as it is I would not go back unless I was famished after participating in competitive sport or had uncharacteristically missed one or two meals during the day.
Located near Culloden battlefield, the restaurant’s appearance is unassuming. With a flat-roof and grey exterior, it could be mistaken for a warehouse, leading me to believe it must live on its reputation rather than passing trade.
Every table was full during my weeknight visit, which coincided with Manchester United facing Chelsea in a European Champions League quarter-final encounter.
If first impressions of the building were uninspiring, then it was only marginally lifted by the interior.
I do not intend to be overly critical, but the layout triggered memories of a dining area at a service station, due to everyone being herded into one large room.
Alternative eateries are often designed specifically to avoid this, with booths and pillars or plants sectioning off areas to give a more visually appealing arrangement, but here it was not the case.
The open plan needed the accompanying power ballads of the radio, behind the buzz of conversation, due to the cosy nature of the seating plan and the reduced chances of having a private chin wag.
Modern art adorned the walls and was for sale to anyone taken by its charms, while an open fireplace was not lit due to the warm spring evening.
Happily our service throughout was swift, cheerful and attentive. The specials board was obvious and we were seated immediately, despite not having reservations when it was so busy.
For starters I had the garlic mushrooms served on a large plate with three pieces of garlic bread and salad. Dozens of button mushrooms were served up and covered in a generous helping of garlic-flavoured sauce. It was tasty and filling, but might have been improved if the mushrooms were in breadcrumbs.
My companion had the Cajun wedges, also served with a salad. The wedges were big and chunky while the sauce had a delightful tangy kick.
Starters are designed to sharpen the appetite but the interval between courses was welcomed as a brief respite before our mains arrived. I had selected the gammon steak, served with egg, chips, three half tomatoes, three onion rings and dozens more mushrooms. It was an impressive chunk, approaching two inches deep, which despite having a thick rind and swath of fat through the middle offered more than enough meat to please any carnivore.
The only down side was the lack of a steak knife, something which should be considered for future. The vegetarian option of macaroni cheese — a Scottish favourite — was opted for by my companion, who barely ate more than a third of hers simply due to the quantity, rather than the quality.
In much need of a post-meal rest we both took a caffeine hit to fight back the exhaustion of tackling such an abundance of food so I had a frothy coffee, while my companion ended her evening with a tea. In order to complete my assessment fairly I chose a banana and toffee tart for dessert, served with vanilla ice cream.
It was similar to a banoffee pie, just without the cream, something which might have been worth considering to mask the dark marks at the centre of the banana slices — a reason not to complete that particular dish.
To leave here hungry would be a crime but shaving back the quantity of the offerings may allow for a reduction in prices which would help the pocket during trying times and ease the conscience about those surviving on only a fraction of what is served as a starter.
